Reflections of a hypocrite

“Ten years down the line you will be more disappointed with things you didn’t do than the things you did”

Perhaps this has become a life mantra for me these days. When a mediocre guy like me needs something to lift up his spirits he takes rescue in such quotes, I suppose. But, on an honest note, it is not a good feeling when you need such things so often on daily basis.

I started my web blog with an intention of writing stories, poems, critics and lot many stuff I thought I could write. But, unfortunately nothing really materiliazed to an extent I had hoped for. It’s not that I didn’t try. Every time I tried, I failed to come up with a piece I would proudly say I wrote it.

I must have tried around hundred topics in the last month that I wanted to write something about. Never did I succeed to come up with something that’s readable. I read many blogs, books, articles looking for inspiration, knowledge, direction. At the end of the day, when I start writing something of my own, it is the same old story again.

I know I am not the worst writer on this planet. But, that’s not what I want to compare myself with. I want to write that is really appreciable by an average English reader. More importantly by me. On the contrary, everytime I write something, it all looks very inane and immature. May be I should post all of them and humiliate myself. But, the hypocrite inside me doesn’t want it to happen that way. He wants to project an image that might not reflect my own self. He wants to paint a rosy picture of a writer in me. Result. No blogs, no writing and hence, no progress.

I know, it sounds very looserish. If you haven’t gone through what I have been going through, you won’t be able to understand what I mean.

Then, you may say why banging your head over something when you know you’re not good at it. Unfortunately, things are easier said than done. If I give up writing I would feel much more frustrated than what I feel now. I love to write. Perhaps, that love needs to be backed up with some sort of flair of language which I confess I seriously lack. All these things summed up today to create one more entirely unreadable post. (How I wish I was wrong here!)